If you're going to lose then

Might as well lose big then.

At work. Library.

At KVCC today, had some old regulars in. The Peacock in particular always keeps things interesting. Not good. Not bad. Just interesting. Kristalynn knows. We have ourselves a regular old farm over there.

Kalamazoo is choking me. I feel suffocated. Two different things, I know. Both having to do with the loss of oxygen. It's freezing. It's stifling. How many more adjectives do you think I can come up with? Part of me wants to succumb to all Kalamazoo has to offer. Part of me has. The rest of me wants to grow out of this place. The part that knows better is telling me to move on.

If I had a million dollars I would pay off my debt, give you some and then get on a plane and glance back but not long enough to come back.

I know why I went to college. I went because I was supposed to. And to have a reason to move away from home. Western fulfilled both criteria. I remember when I was five and I wanted to be a teacher like my dad wanted to be a teacher. He got there. I didn't. Changed paths. Prematurely, it seems. But I didn't come to college to fall in love and get married. Or to find a career. Or find God. Nor did I do those things. (Not that I would have minded had those things happened.) I'm so unattached it disgusts me. I'm single with two part-time jobs and a relationship with Jesus that I can only describe as weak. At least lately. On the Jesus, I mean. The single and multiple part-time jobs is really just par for the course.

Thoughts on the rain:

I think my favorite place to be when it's raining is inside a car.
But not as the driver.
Tea makes a rainy day perfect.
I never really hated the rain. Just the memory.
I like summer rains. Especially when the steam rises from the pavement.
I don't like wet pants.
I never don't want hugs when it's raining.
I could use a glass or bottle of wine.
Blankets and arms make the best shelters.

If my heart is my home, why do I feel so out of place most of the time?

I'm going to Grand Rapids tomorrow. The Apple store should have answers and a new computer waiting for me. The iSight problem happened again today. I was guaranteed a new computer if that ever happened again. So, I guess that's that.

I'm going to start reading Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children.

If you think I should read a book or listen to something, let me know.

-Theresa