26 November 2011

Saturday, November 26, 2011

I'm 26 now. I keep forgetting when I dream and tell myself I'm still 25 and in my mid-twenties instead of my mid- to late-twenties.

I found a church I think is worth returning to. I had to move over a box when I checked off my age and it reminded me that I'm now 26-34 and not 18-25.

I believe that the fact that I have no real friends out here is directly related to the fact that I've accepted that I have no family. The world is trying to tell me that you can't have one without the other, apparently.

Her body is back, yes. Well, most of it. But she's gone and we let her go. I'm partially responsible for not being... a sister or friend or willing to be responsible. But I'm still angry.

This AND that.

This year, I'm miserable teaching. I don't know if it's that I'm miserable or if it's the teaching. It could have something to do with the shooting. Next year, I can't teach kindergarten in Arizona anymore. So I have to choose one of these: 1. Stay in Arizona and teach a different grade. 2. Leave Arizona and teach any grade K-8. Or community college, I suppose. 3. Stay in Arizona and look for different jobs. 4. Leave Arizona and look for different jobs.

I won't be home for Christmas because I have no home. I will, however, be in Phoenix.

I'm looking for something to hold onto. Freeing. Welcoming.

In the darkness, there is still light. This post, though alarmingly pertinent, make me laugh every time I read it and read it again.

I can do anything.