30 November 2008

But I have never been much of a drinker

and at this bar, they don't serve herbal tea.

I'm at Water Street Coffee Joint right now. Drinking tea, as it were. I visited home this weekend. It had been a while and I hadn't been home for Thanksgiving in four years. I should have just waited for Christmas.

I wasn't feeling well. Good thing I'm having some relatively invasive (for me) tests done soon, huh? Once this whole health thing is sorted out, I'll be pleased. Or less annoyed. At the very least, I know my mood will change. I was overwhelmed when I was home. The questions of what I want to do and what I will do seem unending. And I never have a good answer because I don't know. It got to be too much when it turned into "if you don't get a job soon, all that time and money you spent learning will go to waste." And maybe they mean well but I don't think it's necessary to throw one's shortcomings in one's face. Not when that shorter-than-preferred individual is your daughter. I cried a little, slept a little and got over it. I talked to my dad about that for a while. And he told me that my feelings of inadequacy are from within me and nowhere else. Well, it's a good thing he knows I'm crazy. Otherwise, that would have been awkward.

Right, I never really updated about the doctor. I'm not sure how much detail I really want to go into on this thing. Um. I was put on antibiotics for the cough because the allergy medication hadn't done anything. I just finished my five day "Z pack" and am still coughing. It's not as bad as it was one week ago and I suppose that's all I can really ask for. As far as other health issues go, I have to get a few tests done. One of those tests is an allergy test, which shouldn't be too bad. They will only be drawing blood to check. Good. I didn't want a million itchy pinpricks anyway. It's the other test I'm a little worried about. I'll be getting a call in about a week to set up an appointment for that. Not. Excited.

Perhaps because of the conversation with my dad or the general displeasure I've had with my life, I've decided to get off my ass and do something. I will plan my future. At least parts of it. And I will do it. I'm going to start actually looking at real jobs and potential graduate schools again. Really. And I realize what I need is not someone to tell me what to do, no. What I need is encouragement to suck it up and keep going until I figure out what will make me happy. And then I'll need a kick in the ass to do it. If you're reading, consider this your commission to do so. Please.

In general, I think I'm a person who needs encouragement when things get tough. Not always, I think. Just when I think I can't do something. Lately, that's been often. Lately, that's been more often than I care for. More often than I care to mention. I don't really have a newfound sense of self. I just want to get off my ass and be the person I know I can be. The person I want to be. I'm sure this sounds like something I've said or written before. And I might do nothing about it. But I'd prefer not to. Thus, I will do something. I feel something moving and I'm going with it. I'd like to think it's more than just a change in the wind's direction. Even if it isn't more than that, I'm moving anyway. And I feel a little closer. And I feel a little more disconnected.

Getting home and back was a series of unfortunate events followed by fortuitous events (read: blessings). I was going to take the bus home. I bought a ticket and everything and my roommate took me to the station at five in the morning. The bus drove by and I was propositioned by a Devonne. (I will elaborate in a moment.) I call my roommate and she picked me back up at six when I realized the bus wasn't coming back. I slept until nine when my dad texted me. This resulted in my trying to get on the phone with Greyhound and not succeeding. I did manage to wake up my roommate's boyfriend, however. He peeked in my room and asked if it was Detroit that I was trying to get to. (It was.) And was I having any luck? (I was not.) As it turns out, his parents were headed right that way. He made a phone call but there was no answer. So I got back into bed. A moment later, they called back and asked if I had any other options. (Okay, I could have driven but I've been a serious nervous wreck lately. Really, it was not an option.) He told his parents no without really waiting for my response. Yeah, so they turned around and were at my apartment within ten minutes, ready to take me, a girl they've never met before, to the other side of the state. My dad picked me up at a freeway exit near our house. On Saturday, a winter storm advisory was issued (rightly so) and my dad wanted me to get a train ticket back. The ticket was sixty-two dollars and I just wanted to make absolutely sure. As I was getting ready to type in a credit card number, I get a message from my friend Julia and call her back. In the midst of our talking, she mentions her friend Laura doesn't live far from where my parents are and could probably pick me up and take me back. As it turns out, she can, and does. Laura is a really great person. That all being said, I got to Detroit and back to Kalamazoo safely. Although, I suppose you already knew that since I ranted about being home earlier.

The short story of Devonne(s) (dεvIn) in my life is this: (And, yes, I have changed the spelling.) I attract a certain sort of male. The first one I really told friends about was named Devonne (total assumption as far as spelling goes) and the tradition lives on. One Devonne tried to pick me up at a job interview. Another one used the fact that he had a baby mama named Theresa as his bait. The interaction with Devonne at the bus station went as such:

(I had just gotten off the phone with my roommate and she was on her way to pick me up.)

(D)evonne: (Stares at me for a solid minute) Are you cold?
(T)Me: (Staring straight ahead and make no eye contact whatsoever) A little.
(D): Are you from around here?
(T): No. (Yes, I know that's a lie.)
(D): Where are you from?
(T): Detroit. (Where the bus is going!)
(D): I know a place that's warm.
(T): (Blank stare.)
(D): It's only about a block from here.
(T): (Pause.) No thanks.
(D): (Walks away, shouting about not going far from the station.)

Man, was I glad when my roommate showed up. I would like to point out that the main reason this interaction counts as a Devonne interaction is that I had not spoken to this person and gave him no reason to do so. Also, he fits all the other criteria. But I suppose I can go into that later. I've written quite a bit. I've got to get to calling a friend.

And please forgive me if I leave you feeling uninspired.

-Theresa

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