Searching for Reasons

And missing the seasons.

Went on a road trip, sort of. Spent more time on the roads than with people. Met some really great people but was in a very introspective mood. Learned my fear of driving is way worse than it was before. It had been a bit better. Now, it's way worse. I felt terrible because the friend I went with did all the driving. Really. I suck.

I really need to suck it up and make a choice and do something. Can I say that I'm tired of acting alone? I'm tired of acting alone.

I don't think our lives are meant to be lived alone. We need friends and people and love. Need. We need those things. And if I just move somewhere, I will have none of those things. If I stay here, same story.

I refuse to stay in Kalamazoo next year. And I won't move home. Isn't there somewhere I belong?

In bed.

How did I end up feeling this lonely? I need a hobby. Or a cat. Or tequila.

Seeing Jamie and Chris was great. I wish there had been more time. Coming back to work feels like a waste of time.

In the future, I would like:

a purpose.
a career.
a husband.
a family.
no debt.
joy.
to live in the petal house.
to be able to play guitar.
the ability to drive on the free way just like everyone else.

I feel worse about things when my shortcomings effect other people.

I'd say I was sorry but I'm just not sure for what.

On the car ride back, I wrote the beginnings of six different pieces. It might have been talking to Justin and Natalie that helped. It probably was.

The Avett Brothers show was great.

Oops. I guess I sound sad.

-Theresa