08 December 2008

Only love is all maroon

Um, I suppose it's been a while since I've written. I had my tests done. I got the less invasive procedure for a few reasons. I couldn't have been happier about it. My results came back normal, which is great. I don't actually want something wrong with me. However, this means there's only one solution to the problem and I have to accept being on medication for, well, ever. I'm going in to talk to the doctor tomorrow. We'll discuss the options. Maybe this will fix the crazy? Oh, and I'll be getting my allergy test done as well.

Sky is womb and she's the moon.

I researched some graduate schools yesterday. For publishing. All the ones I found are on the east coast. I suppose location doesn't have to matter. I think I may just be tired of the thought of what comes next. I was sitting in the living room a few days ago with my roommate and kept looking out the window because one of my friends was coming over and I hadn't seen him in months. I realized, thanks to the roommate, that it's not that I'm impatient. God knows, I can be a very patient person. I'm anxious. It explains the driving thing. And the whole unsettled feeling of what I'm doing with my life. I'm anxious about what might happen or what won't. If I know something is going to happen, I don't get nervous. I become full with anticipation. I am anticipating my future. But, man, I just wish the future was here already. I wish I knew what I really wanted. I wish I knew how to get what I really wanted.

Today, I think I will tackle looking at schools for linguistics. Rather, some time this week, I think I might tackle that. Publishing or editing is really something I enjoy doing. Okay, so is linguistics. But I can make a job out of publishing. After linguistics, or before linguistics, I'll also be looking more into school where I can get a teaching degree.

Schools for publishing that show any promise at all:

Emerson College in Boston, MA
Rosemont College in Rosemont, PA

The rest on my list have a minus sign (as in, I didn't like them) or a question mark (as in, I couldn't find any information about the program on the website). I'm just looking through a printed graduate school guide and know that there is more research to be done. I think if I looked into information science, there might be more to know. Also, I believe that there's a program at University of Denver. Otherwise, why would they have a summer program, right?

I worry too much. Soon, things will happen better than I could have hoped. All this anxiety will have been for naught. I wish knowing that that was true was enough to get me out of this.

Do I really want to move to the east coast?


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