Everything but sleep

I slept twelve hours last night, thinking it might help. But I always forget the real world is right there waiting for you when you wake up. I got a bill in the mail last night for my allergy testing for $701. I called this morning. They said that the insurance company didn't cover it. After I stopped crying, I called the insurance company. After the guy was done being a dick, he let me know that a subdivision of the company had covered part of it and sent a check to my permanent address. I've decided to cancel the follow-up appointment. I don't want to have to pay extra for things I know like don't breathe in mold or dust mites. Thanks. Here's seven hundred dollars. I can turn around if you'd like. If that would make this easier.

I'm looking into this whole mental health thing. It's about that time. I realized that the crazy in my head has been there forever but I'm not as busy now as I was in school and so I have more time to dwell on the crazy. I left a message. We'll see where that goes.

I'm still having ridiculous girl problems. I've giving this prescription one more month before I call the doctor and two more before I give up on it.

I realize now that I really didn't do anything wrong. If someone doesn't let you in, that's not your fault. If you let someone in and they throw shit all over your house, that's very minutely your fault but mostly not. I'm done blaming myself for the shitty guests in my house, so to speak. Done.

I really appreciate what my friends do for me. They support me in their own ways and I don't think I would have gotten this far without the people in my life. Given, I might have gotten further without some of it. But the ones that help me pick up the pieces are wonderful. And thank you. Besides someone to listen and an understanding. Oh, and sleep. I really needed a hug yesterday and Kristalynn kept dishing them out. I guess I needed a lot yesterday. The shower waited until this morning.

I feel like I should be telling myself to stop trusting people. Instead, I need to just be cautious and continue to love and trust because without those things, it would be a sad world, I think. Regardless, everything with a grain of salt.

I have another guitar lesson on Thursday. I'm going to the store to get ingredients for dinner after work. I'm not sure what I'm making yet. I'm mostly just out of food. Paying for lessons with food is like a dream. I know a scale now (g major) but I'm still not good at switching between chords. I've practiced quite a bit, I think, which is how I got the scale down. But I haven't practiced the chords enough, it seems. I hope I don't suck.

Inspiration, you are a cruel and fickle bitch.