Well, it's been five weeks of teaching, twenty-four days of kindergarten, two weeks of ASU, about four tantrums and countless tears (both the students' and mine.) It's been long and it's been extremely difficult. But I've been doing it. And I kind of really love it. Most of the kids are really amazing little creatures. The remaining few created tantrums and tears of their own and mine. But you know what? They're kind of pretty amazing too. Even though I can't be entirely certain if they're learning to read and write at the pace that they should be, they're learning manners and personal responsibility. I can tell because there are fewer tantrums. And that can't ever be bad.
Life is moving forward, I think. And I need to be moving with it. I'm certainly trying in some ways. And regressing in others. I got an elephant tattoo last weekend on a pseudo-whim. It seems whenever there's a big change in my life and I feel overwhelmed and I need to take control, I change something on my body. It's never the way I dress or a better diet. No, nothing of the sort. When I moved away from home, I got my nose pierced. After getting the most specific vague answer to prayer, I got my first tattoo. After discovering I had to have surgery and putting plans to move to Phoenix into action, I got my nose pierced again. After becoming a kindergarten teacher and realizing there was no way I could walk away from it, I got an elephant tattoo. I change these things about myself because they are things I know are there. I knew all the the events were going to be big, life-changing events. And they all have been. And just like those people who get tattoos in memory of people who have died (like they'd ever forget), I permanently change something about myself, for myself, in memory of my reasoning and the process. That's ridiculous. Aren't tattoos and piercing supposed to be that weird shit that teens do to piss off their parents. I guess wisdom comes with age.
Did I mention I'm turning twenty-five? I'm turning twenty-five. Not until November, but still. I mean, I guess I've done things now and it shouldn't be so scary. But it is. I've gone to college. And I'm going again. And I have a "real" job because it's a career and I get paid enough to pay my bills. And I've travelled. But I feel like I haven't learned enough and I haven't given back enough and I haven't explored enough. Not to be twenty-five. I know. I know. I'm over-thinking this. But what don't I over think? I'm doing all these things that lean toward the "grown-up" color of the spectrum but I still don't feel... settled. I think that makes sense. Also, I never, EVER wanted to be a grown-up. I am older than some of my students' parents. It's okay. You don't have to throw up in your mouth. I just threw up in mine.
Things I've (re)learned:
I love children's books.
Dr. Seuss will always make me smile.
Gluten is mean.
Money is stupid.
I love tea.
I miss a real Fall.
Goodness, being a mother (not that I will be soon) scares the living daylights out of me.
Teaching reminds me how afraid I am to have kids of my own.
I love being a teacher.
Even if I hate lesson planning.
Kindergartners have a lot to say once they know you're listening.
You can never tell a person too many good things about oneself.
-Theresa
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