Won't You Write the Verses on my Palm

Home for Christmas. I'll be back in Kalamazoo on Tuesday. Just in time to bring in the new year with people I'll probably not finish it with.

I made this mix for my family:

1. Violent Femmes- American Music
2. Paul Baribeau- Ten Things
3. Coldplay- Violet Hill
4. Iron & Wine- Boy With a Coin
5. Neutral Milk Hotel- In the Aeroplane Ove the Sea
6. Page France- Finders
7. John Mayer- Victoria
8. Rocky Votolato- Uppers Aren't Necessary
9. Sufjan Stevens- For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti
10. Nickel Creek- Doubting Thomas
11. Obadiah Parker- Hey Ya
12. Chris Bathgate- Sun Moon
13. The Weepies- Can't Go Back Now
14. The Corn Fed Girls- Pearlie
15. The Avett Brothers- Murder in the City
16. Ray Lamontagne- Empty
17. Format- On Your Porch
18. Eef Barzelay- Lose Big
19. Death Cab For Cutie- I Will Follow You Into the Dark
20.Foo Fighters- Home
21. The Avett Brothers- Will You Return
22. Sufjan Stevens- Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

I was going to put links to videos and stuff so that you'd listen to it. But I'm not going to. I have the songs. You should look for them. Every song is worth it.

Let's see... I'm thinking of applying for Teach for America. I haven't decided where to apply for. And I'm not even sure that I'll get in. I think they usually take people who have just graduated. But we'll see. I'm just excited to be working toward something.

I'm going to get healthy and stop being such a chubby lumpkins. I'm sure this sounds like a new year's resolution, but it's not. It's something I've wanted to do for a while and I've finally gotten the motivation to do it. I think I'll be happier and healthier and those things can't hurt. I'm making a functional work out schedule for myself that should be fun. I bought Dance Dance Revolution for Wii. I think that's a good start. I'm also going to curb my drinking a bit. Oh, and the eating. But I want to be healthy and reasonable about things.

That might be it for right now. Yeah.

-Theresa

She says "wake up, it's no use pretending"

So I think I'm tired of skirting around issues. I'm going big for lack of want of going home. Where is that anyway? Yeah, I know. It's written on me. But it's lonely there. I mean, if we're getting to the heart of the matter. Ha.

That being said, my limited reader base, I've decided to declare this blog and my life a "bullshit free zone" (BSFZ). In this BSFZ, I don't lie or pretend like things don't matter. I am honest but still kind. I am true to myself because, damn it, if I'm not, who will be? I won't be so fucking sorry for everything I do. It's not that I won't feel remorse. I am still often sorry for things that I feel I could have changed for the better but didn't. It's just that I think there are healthier things to feel than sorrow for things that are outside of my control.

That being said, Things I'm Not Sorry For:

Telling you to turn your music down.
Telling you how you actually come across.
Drinking tequila.
Caring.
Being honest.
Feeling the way I feel.
Being the person that I am.
Loving you.
Not loving when I wasn't supposed to.
Making mistakes I learn from.
Wanting.
Apologizing and meaning it.

We are in the BSFZ. Here, all that matters is that you are yourself. Here, if you don't give a shit, don't expect me to. Here, I live my life as I believe it is intended to be lived. Or at least try to. If that's not good enough for you, I'm not going to be sorry. Good God, I think what I would be is relieved to no longer have you in my life. What I'm saying here is that I'm going to start putting thought and intentions to action. It's all good and great that I want to be someone better. It doesn't matter if I do nothing about it.

One will spread our ashes 'round the yard.

-Theresa

Only love is all maroon

Um, I suppose it's been a while since I've written. I had my tests done. I got the less invasive procedure for a few reasons. I couldn't have been happier about it. My results came back normal, which is great. I don't actually want something wrong with me. However, this means there's only one solution to the problem and I have to accept being on medication for, well, ever. I'm going in to talk to the doctor tomorrow. We'll discuss the options. Maybe this will fix the crazy? Oh, and I'll be getting my allergy test done as well.

Sky is womb and she's the moon.

I researched some graduate schools yesterday. For publishing. All the ones I found are on the east coast. I suppose location doesn't have to matter. I think I may just be tired of the thought of what comes next. I was sitting in the living room a few days ago with my roommate and kept looking out the window because one of my friends was coming over and I hadn't seen him in months. I realized, thanks to the roommate, that it's not that I'm impatient. God knows, I can be a very patient person. I'm anxious. It explains the driving thing. And the whole unsettled feeling of what I'm doing with my life. I'm anxious about what might happen or what won't. If I know something is going to happen, I don't get nervous. I become full with anticipation. I am anticipating my future. But, man, I just wish the future was here already. I wish I knew what I really wanted. I wish I knew how to get what I really wanted.

Today, I think I will tackle looking at schools for linguistics. Rather, some time this week, I think I might tackle that. Publishing or editing is really something I enjoy doing. Okay, so is linguistics. But I can make a job out of publishing. After linguistics, or before linguistics, I'll also be looking more into school where I can get a teaching degree.

Schools for publishing that show any promise at all:

Emerson College in Boston, MA

Rosemont College in Rosemont, PA

The rest on my list have a minus sign (as in, I didn't like them) or a question mark (as in, I couldn't find any information about the program on the website). I'm just looking through a printed graduate school guide and know that there is more research to be done. I think if I looked into information science, there might be more to know. Also, I believe that there's a program at University of Denver. Otherwise, why would they have a summer program, right?

I worry too much. Soon, things will happen better than I could have hoped. All this anxiety will have been for naught. I wish knowing that that was true was enough to get me out of this.

Do I really want to move to the east coast?

-Theresa