Things I've finally decided:

Well, working at the tech desk at the library has afforded me a few more benefits than were provided while I did shelving. For one, I can do this. And I get paid more. You can't argue with logic like that. No, you can't. I also wasn't supposed to work today and was called in. Four hours doesn't bother me so much. Plus, it's closing shift. Not terrible seeing as my bedroom may as well be a boiler room. That makes packing a little on the hellish side.

I've come to write here to let those reading know about the decisions I have more recently made. I was going to go month by month in Kalamazoo and just stick around until something better came along. This was a great plan, in theory. The best place I found was in Portage for $325 a month, everything included. It was a bedroom in a house but the woman who lives there is rarely there. This would have been ideal were I still working at Old Navy. Unfortunately, both of my jobs are downtown and the prospect of driving that far daily doesn't sound appealing with the gas prices. Plus, I think, and I think this thought held more weight, if I lived further away, the chances of me trying to socialize would decrease. I would hermitize. The thought depressed me. Honestly, once it starts getting super cold and dark early, I'll probably be driving to work anyway. The neighborhoods aren't the safest...

Which brings me to what I have decided to do: I signed a lease with a roommate in another house on Locust. It's closer to Lovell this time. It's great and cheap. The landlord seems accommodating. The girl is someone I work with but rarely see. She works in A/V and I work upstairs now. She seems really nice and down to earth. Since I barely know her, it'll probably take a while before there are issues. That's the hope anyway. I am still looking for jobs elsewhere and I have informed her of this (Marita is her name, by the way). She said she'd help find a sub-leaser.

How I feel about it: Well, I could've made a worse decision. I could have moved home with no job. This would have made my dad happy. He made it a point of telling me so. I love my parents. I really do. But moving home just didn't seem like a logical sanity decision. It was definitely a logical financial decision though. I'm sure I could have found a high paying entry level position serving coffee. Sometimes, I regret not moving home. I could have just picked somewhere and moved there. Unfortunately, I don't have enough money saved up to really do this. I mean, the dream is there. The logistics of it require an illogical risk. However, I feel, in some ways, that I have merely settled by staying in Kalamazoo. I have two okay paying jobs. In order to keep my head above water, I don't think I can work less than forty hours a week between them. I have decided to look for a third job in the area that might pay more. Silly, I know. But I know I just have to do what needs to be done.

I know that I can be something better than what I am right now. I just have to figure out how. I just feel... Stuck. It doesn't help that I signed a lease. Plus, people who are smarter than me and got degrees that would help them get jobs regardless of extra-curriculars and overall charm, are getting job offers left and right. I don't really have connections with jobs I actually want. Now, if I wanted to work in a cell-phone store, the world would be my oyster. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Is it really possible to feel both completely disconnected and stuck at the same time? Apparently.

Oh, my new apartment lease starts 14 August. The one I'm in ends 1 August. I will be homeless for two weeks. So will my stuff. I don't mind. Marita? She's best friends with Michael Beauchamp. If you're friends with someone who makes music that good, you have to be cool.

Right?

-Theresa