21 July 2008

On a Monday Evening

I'm at Biggby Coffee right now. I recognize this mere notion is offensive to some. The free coffee provided me by a very wonderful barista makes it possible to overlook certain sins.

I was thinking about lives in transition. This is one of the first times my apartment leases don't end. In fact, I don't even have another lease. In ten days, I will officially be homeless. I mean, I can always move back in with my parents. But, really, I've worked hard for the sanity I have managed to salvage in recent years. I'm not always well-prepared. In fact, I am often ill-prepared. I don't know why this time should be any different. Well, it is a little different. My hesitation in having signed a lease stemmed from an intense desire to be somewhere else. The need to sign a lease comes from the fact that no one wants to hire someone with a BA in English. There are two places I could potentially live right now. They are both allowing me to live on a month to month basis, which is great.

So, on this Monday evening, though I should be packing, I am not. Because the temperature in my apartment is reminiscent to a level of hell. Or something. (I'm back at my apartment now. Biggby's closed.) There's always something so final about packing. I don't like that feeling. I have trouble with both sides of commitment: grabbing on and letting go. It's why I stay with jobs I hate for so long.

Last night, Wessam called. For those of you who don't know, he is a friend I made in Egypt and the cousin of a professor. He made the time I spent in Egypt bearable. He is a wonderful person. Upon leaving Egypt, I just sort of assumed I would never see him again. Like he was a person from a past life. He'll be in the U.S. as of 6 August. We've mostly kept communication through emails. For those of you who have a received an email from me, you know how in depth they usually are. Which means, if you've given it any thought, you know they take a bit of time to write. Anyway, I guess I was just thinking about how bad I am at keeping in touch. Maybe that's what this is for. For the more general "this is what I'm thinking." Continue to expect emails or phone calls for "this is what I think of you."

Do you think it's possible to change over night? If it was possible, I would be the following things:
Not a procrastinator
(x) pounds lighter
Able to stay awake at movies
Less nervous
A better driver
Able to stick to a budget
Employed and in a job I don't hate

These things, among others.

I don't think I would change my awkwardness. It keeps me entertained.