Fuck you, 2009.

I had hopes for you. I had dreams. And you've managed to piss them all away. You're like a dramatic comedy. You sucked me in with the part about the comedy. I always think they're not going to be as dark as the last one or that the comedy will far outshine the drama. That is never the case and I never learn.

2009, you've set up everything for me and gradually took it away. The first day I spent with you seemed like a dream. I should have known better.

Here are some ways you have let me down:

1. My health is in general disarray. Have you and Body joined forces?
2. I am as alone as ever and reminded of it almost every day.
3. You made it clear that I no longer belong in Kalamazoo. Or Michigan.
4. All of the seventh and eighth grade language arts positions in Phoenix, AZ are full. My interview is not for two more weeks.
5. My haircut is stupid.
6. The Last House on the Left.

But before you let me down, 2009, you tend to present an opportunity and then take it away. On 1 January, 2009, every single thing on that list had promise, except for maybe number 4. I didn't know about the positions yet. (And I knew number six was going to suck but man, that sucked way more than I thought it would. Don't even bother.) There seemed to be potential for happiness. Joy, even. I've got to tell you, it's heartbreaking. It hurts to be teased like that. It hurts to see the potential of something good right in front of you and watch it disintegrate and be able to do nothing about it. There is a way to feel good and it's eluding me.

I tried, 2009, to do what I could. I'm only two and a half months in and I want a new year. Things are supposed to be better. Our president isn't a complete sack of shit. I'm a college graduate. The country I live in is impoverished but it's all its own fault. My roommate is great. But dammit, I don't want to be here anymore. I can't be here anymore. I've got to get out of here.

I'm so disconnected, I don't know what to do. I don't know who to be or how to be. And I am selfish.

How do you think I would fare as a special education teacher?

2009, I am not only not impressed: I am disappointed, hurt and broken.

-Theresa