06 May 2010

Wish me luck

I know you think I'll need it.

I've come here with no real intention other than to write. My emotions are lacking. I don't have to sort them out because I know things now rather than feeling things. While I'm less crazy because of this, I'm not quite me. Being crazy has its downside but for the most part, it's how I've learned to function. And you know, it was working if we forget about all the crying jags and fear of driving. Okay, so it wasn't working. But I kind of liked the process of sorting through my emotions. It really helped me sort through things that did or didn't happen. But now, I just have facts and circumstances. How do I know what to feel if I'm not overwhelmed by emotion? I think what I'm saying is that... Well, I'm not sure what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just reflecting in a way I said I didn't much anymore.

Some humans ain't human.

I'm going to be a teacher. Weird. I couldn't even keep a third grader from stabbing a second grader with a pencil. Shit.

Seven or so months. And I understand what I've critisized for so long. Perfect? No. Good? Yes.

This post lacks a significant amount of profundity. I can't find it.

It's getting hot in Phoenix. The oranges have already blossomed and the fruit doesn't smell as sweet as the flower. I hate air conditioning. But I sure do love balconies. Regardless, I'd give up any pool to be by a natural water source. I often miss the life of a hippie. In all fairness, I'm rarely not barefoot.

It's funny: I feel that many of my emotions have been evading me but I constantly feel overwhelmed with guilt.

But I know, it'll be alright.



Jessi Nicole said...

Kid's are going to stab other kids, it happens. I have a scar on my shoulder from where a kid bit me when I was three.
I think you have the makings of amazing teacher. If I had kids, I would send them to you for schooling.

Smells Like Apples said...

That might be the nicest thing anyone's said to me about becoming a teacher. Thank you. Really.