Last night,

I couldn't sleep. A year ago, I wouldn't.

I had all these crazy dreams and now I can't seem to remember them. I would wake up at random times with a sudden urge to be doing something else--anything else. But now, it's just kind of tapping me on the shoulder. My urge to do something bigger is not silenced but it is muffled for the time being. Maybe because I'm doing something kind of big by volunteering for a year. More likely, because I'm making better choices and working toward something.

I am five hundred words away from submitting my Teach For America application. They capitalize the "f" in for and shouldn't. That's all I think of when I see it written out. That and how much I want to be part of the program.

I thought about the pants I wore last New Year's Eve. I changed out of them this New Year's Eve even though my ass fits in them so much better now. I want a new start. I guess there was just something too symbolic about wearing those pants to enter into two different new years. What is it about the first of every year that gives people the delusion that things will change the second the clocks switch over? Whatever it is, it's magical and I kind of like it. Goodbye, 2009. Joyful doesn't accurately describe what it was like seeing you go.

As much as I didn't want to come to work this morning, I'm very thankful to be here. Here at work, in Phoenix and at this point in my life. I've learned quite a bit, I'm sure. Could I tell you what? Probably in a carefully worded essay. But not yet. Not really. I'm not sure what I've learned. Just that I've learned something. And not after making mistakes this time. That's new for me.

Resolution: Don't make promises you (I) can't keep.

-Theresa