02 September 2008

A sum of one's parts

I'm at work. Always at work. There is no internet at my apartment yet because I still don't feel like paying for it.

Those of you who know me know I have a difficult time appreciating myself. I don't accept compliments well. I don't know where to put them. I'm not always self-deprecating but I definitely do it more often than I care to think about. Or admit. More recently, I have been reminded of something I used to believe. Now, I'm about certain.

My physical persona is more attractive to females than it is to males. Often, women are telling me of the parts of my body they wish they had because they find them attractive. I suppose it's a bit of the grass is always greener. The following is a list of my body parts that have been complimented by a woman saying "I wish my X was like yours":

Hair (the curls and thickness)
Skin tone

I have very much not let these things go to my head. In all honesty, like all girls who are lame, it's hard to believe these things from people who are not... well... boys. It's stupid, I know. I have a body girls like. The more I think about it, however, the more annoyed I get. Less for the fact that guys don't notice but more for the fact that people like my PARTS. I would like to think that I am more than just a sum of my parts. I am a real person with real thoughts and emotions. Taking a step back, it should be noted that my actual body shape is not what some women want for themselves--no, just parts. It is not my face people want; just the shape of my lips and the color of my skin.

I would like to think that I am more than that. I would like to believe that under the parts that people peg as things they want, there is someone people want to get to know. I want to believe that that is more important.

I suppose I should start by believing these things first. And then start getting better at accepting compliments.


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