Miss Bindergarten

Gets Ready for Kindergarten.

I'm at a coffee shop because even though I'm getting ready for kindergarten, I'm not hooked up to the internet at my apartment yet. And I'm not ready for kindergarten. Twenty years. That's how long it's been since I've been in a kindergarten classroom. Okay, that's not true anymore because I've been setting up my classroom for the last two weeks. I'm so overwhelmed by it all. If I screw it up, these kids aren't prepared for the rest of the their lives. I know. I know. A little dramatic. But TFA got to me. I'm setting these kids up for failure if they don't get everything they need to succeed for first grade in kindergarten. If I screw up and don't show them how to count by fives correctly, I may as well just have them watching Dora the Explorer all day because at least they'd learn how to cross a bridge and be friends with a monkey or whatever it is she does when she's exploring. Needless to say, probably because I already said it in that textual vomit you just skimmed through, I'm feeling nervous and insecure about my abilities as a teacher and the reasons TFA chose me.

Tomorrow, I'm walking into my classroom and not letting those kids smell fear. I met seven of them on Thursday during Meet the Teacher night. It turns out, they were meeting me. I had a lot of fun with them but I can tell they're going to be a handful. In the best way possible. We're going to play a little and calm our nerves. Them and me. And we're going to look at the calendar and learn the days of the week and sing the August song. And we're going to learn how to line up without pushing or running on our marshmallow toes and that we shouldn't cry or be afraid of the fire drill sirens. Then, I'm going to read The Kissing Hand. I hope it puts them at ease with kindergarten. They'll make cutouts of their own hands with hearts glued on the inside to give to their parents. I'll think about all the places I've left with my hands in my pockets because no one cared to kiss them. But then! A note will fall out of the book and Chester the raccoon will lead us on a tour of the school, which will end on the playground. I'm not sure what the rest of the day will look like just yet because I haven't read through my lesson plans in a few days and that's what I'm procrastinating right now. But we'll do some math and some community circle and then they'll go to specials and home and I'll be freaking out that I'll have 179 more days of failure ahead of me. But that's a terrible attitude. I'll have 179 more days of potential success ahead of me and all my kids because failure is not an option. Because I have to set these kids up for success. Have to.

Miss Thomas is getting ready for Kindergarten. I bought my very own copy of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Now, I feel like a real teacher. I will leave this coffee shop shortly and spend time in an internet-free zone when I will have to be more creative in my methods of procrastination. I will set out a sensible but fun outfit and make sure I have all my students' gift bags ready. Then, I'll go through my lesson plans for the millionth time to make sure there's no way I can fail them. Actually, first I think I'll head to Borders to buy the Miss Bindergarten series since I couldn't find it at any of the used books stores. It must be a real gem of a book. Oh, then I'll have to work on creating a unit assessment because TFA said so. I just don't ask questions anymore.

Yesterday, I didn't drink any coffee. It felt great.

Love:

Snack time
Kindergarten
Phoenix rain storms
wi-fi
Fresh fruit
Hugs
Charles in Charge
Macaroni and cheese (even if it is gluten free)

Fears:

Being a bad teacher
Cockroaches
Not being able to speak Spanish
Palo Verde Beetles

To be Determined:

Living alone (for the time being)
Jon lives two hours away
Gluten Free diet
All this alone time.

Needs:

Love
Vacation
Time to write
Hugs

-Theresa

Five Eternally

When I was five, the summer before first grade, I was a kindergarten teacher. I played school. While the other little girls began promising themselves in sickness and in health to boys in polygamous relationships marked by rings forged of grass, I tried to trap kids in the basement. I was the Sphinx of Marshall St. Anyone who wandered into the maze of our front lawn was ushered down the stairs and into my mother's castaway seating--desks. I pulled out my materials--forgotten items from around the house and toys that had taught my older brother how to read. I didn't have the skinny chalk like my teacher did but my parents wanted to encourage my creativity and time outside, but not too far, so I had an arsenal of sidewalk chalk. Cousins and old classmates became each others peers as I took my place in front of the row of chairs. I took out my chalk and my easel and began deliberately practicing my name and urged others to practice their own. If I had had the choice, I would have spent my summer in that basement, teaching. However, my class rebelled. My arranged marriage was to be held the next day. We would draw the aisle on the cement in the backyard with my classroom chalk. My dreams of teacherdom would be focused down a different path. The next day, I was to be married to my best student with handwriting better than mine, who had already been married the day before.

I am going to be a kindergarten teacher. My formal training for the school I will be at will start on Monday. I don't think I could be happier.

-Theresa

Only Babies Cry

I keep this in mind as I progress through the proverbial hell that is Institute. It gets harder with each passing day but in other ways it gets easier. I've built a rapport with my CMA (corps member advisor), I have a few friends and I still feel a little directionless. And I think that's okay.

Yesterday, in addition to working on lesson plans, I also made a mix CD for the members of the CMA group I'm in. It was so very therapeutic. Of course, none of these people know how to interpret my CDs and most of them probably won't figure it out but I'm okay with it. It was enough to make the CD.

I'm really enjoying my time teaching. There are the two girls I relate with because they both really enjoy reading. I spend a lot of time talking to them about life and such as well but they're great. And there's the one boy who I keep trying to reach out to but it's difficult when he's sleeping through half the class. It's a challenge and I love it.

The teaching part isn't hard. That's easy. The only thing easier for me is connecting with my students. It's breaking everything down in a manner that is TFA appropriate. That's the problem. I know that I break everything down and I analyze until you all want to punch me in the face as much as I want to punch myself in the face but oh, my goodness, I never knew there would be so many steps to plan a lesson. Gah.

But I do love it. And I definitely see teaching as something I can do forever. I just need a job.

Will everything else just fall into place?

-Theresa

Maybe not.

Remember how I got sent away from that interview because already hired by a district? Yeah, me too. The schools for that district did their hiring today. I was not even interviewed. So I'm being thrown back into the hiring pool and could end up anywhere. My goal is to keep it together and stay positive. That's all I need to do is stay positive. Since 2002, every corps member has been found a job. So that's promising. I just wanted to be chosen and not be leftovers, you know? And everyone's coming back with jobs. And I'm used to being hard on myself and it being lies about how I'm not good enough and stuff. But this is kind of tangible proof. So I'm going to a Transitional Team Leader dinner in a little bit. That'll be good. So I guess this is TFA.

I'm being flexible. Or trying to.

-Theresa

Maybe I was meant to teach SpEd.

Here’s the progression of how I’ve ended up where I am right now:

January 2009-- I took a friend to her car and she asked what I was going to do the next year. No idea. She told me her and her husband were moving to Phoenix and were looking for a roommate. I thought about it.

February 2009- I applied for Phoenix Teaching Fellows, a teaching fellowship that requires three years of commitment, while teaching and getting a Master of Education

March 2009—PTF offered me an interview for middle school language arts and told me to start taking tests. Planned a road trip with Nate and Sarah to Phoenix to look at places and take my test.

Mid-March 2009—Got a phone call from PTF saying that all language arts positions had been filled and that I was now being considered for SpEd. I turned the position down but took the certification test anyway. It was too late to get any money back and it was an expensive test.

Next day—Started looking for something new to do. Applied for AmeriCorps.

Two days later—Heard from Sister Carmen who wanted to interview me for AmeriCorps in Phoenix.

One week later (Last week of March)—Drove with Nate and Sarah to Phoenix, took the certification test (passed), met Sister Carmen, found a place to live. I was placed at a school for AmeriCorps.

Fast forward…

July 2009- Move to Phoenix.

July 2009-September 2009-- Sorted things out. (Read: cried a lot.)

September 2009—Start volunteering at school.

September 2009- January 2010—Pull hair out due to frustration with position.

December 2009—Apply to Phoenix Teaching Fellows again.

January 2010—Apply to Teach For America because I want to really make a change and never checked the “interested in teaching special education” box. However, am now considerably less afraid of it.

February 2010—Offered a SpEd position with PTF again. Turn it down because I really wanted TFA.

February 2010- March 2010—Freak out about application and getting accepted and what if I just threw away a job?

March 2010—Got accepted to TFA. For SpEd. Happysad.

At present—I’m finally happy about it. I’m really excited to spend time with kids in SpEd classrooms. One of my friends let me lead a few lessons in her class. A few other teachers let me help them out during the day just to get more exposure. And I’m sure they wanted help. But I’m really excited. SpEd here is a little different than in other places. Given, there are a few self-contained rooms, which is where the students only have classes with each other. But there is a ridiculous amount of funding for SpEd in Phoenix. It comes out of a different fund. So there are at least two resource classes at any given elementary school in the area if they subscribe to that method. Students who are behind grade level are pulled out for four hours a day in order to be taught in a SpEd room. There is a large push toward inclusion, which is where a SpEd teacher and a general education teacher team-teach a class. I have my fingers crossed for one of these but will in no way be disappointed if I’m a resource teacher.

I guess this is what I’m meant to do. I am embracing that notion.

I’m at induction right now, which is the “fun” part of training for TFA. We’ve gone to lots of meetings and I haven’t been barefoot except for sleeping. And that one time I couldn’t handle it anymore. Today, I’m going to a round-up for the Glendale Elementary School District. Supposedly, about 90% of the people going today will get interviews and/or hired. Fingers crossed. I’ve already been chosen by the district. Now, I just need a principal to hire me.

Anyway, I think I’m going to go read that stuff I should’ve been reading since April… Or nap.

-Theresa