I think about band names more than I should for a person who can barely carry a tune and butchers chords on guitar. But that would be it. That would be my band name. Anywhere but Phoenix. It seems appropriate. It's mostly true.
I do not like Phoenix. When asked why, I'm quick to answer that it has no soul. But what's that even mean?
This is a cold, cold place that has pockets of community with no connections between them. Drivers aren't defensive--they own the road. The music lacks inspiration. There's even a term for it: Desert Pop. People don't greet others in passing and with my propensity to talk to strangers, I find this problematic. The city is caught in an identity crisis. It's continually expanding but creating the same horizon with each new avenue it adopts.
But the real problem? No, it's not political and has nothing to do with the economy. Not for me, anyway. It's something I can't really explain. I just don't feel like I belong here. So when I say that Phoenix has no soul, what I mean is that I can't find my own here. But maybe I can't see the desert for the sun, so to speak. Because I'm here. And I've signed a contract. And though I may not enjoy the school where I work, I have met some pretty great people there. Even though I feel like I don't belong here, I need to be content with the choices I have made. Besides, the sunsets are beautiful.
Where could I go? Anywhere but Phoenix. Where will I go? I'm just not sure yet.
-Theresa
5 comments:
Wow sweetheart - that's pretty harsh. My soul has a Phoenix footprint embedded in it. Perhaps you should stop looking outside of yourself for the answers to life's quirky questions and search for that soul within. This place is scattered with amazing people, breathtaking beauty and sunsets that blow my mind although I've been able to enjoy them for 44 years. Anywhere but Phoenix? Wow - I don't get it.
Sherry, I've decided within the last couple of weeks to really try to appreciate this place instead of saying I just hated it. I was just trying to process why it was that I don't really like Phoenix and I think it's that it doesn't feel like home to me. (Not the place my family lives either.) So I'm doing exactly as you said I should: I'm looking inside myself to really understand why it is that I don't feel like I belong here. For whatever reason, I've found it difficult to appreciate what this city has to offer because you're right about there being some amazing people (you included) and the sunsets couldn't be more beautiful. But I've been here for about two and a half years. Shouldn't it feel like home by now?
you have no obligation to feel like anywhere is home just because you live there. a home is the life you've built around you and if isn't the one you want, then it isn't home. i'm proud of you for toughing it out and committing to your decision. and i'm confident that you'll find home soon. let me know if there's anything i can do to help, even if it's just a vacation to your second-least-favorite city, chicago. :)
Sending you love, friend.
@Kensey Thanks! Maybe I'll head that way some time. I'll totally be calling you if I do.
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