Is now in the works. I don't know where I'm going or who with but I know it's happening. The last day of school is 25 May. My last day of work is 26 of May. I don't think I have any obligations until the very last week of July. And I'm not even sure about that. I put half of my tax return into savings and have planned ahead for an oil change.
That being said, I'm looking for places to go and stay and see and remember. If I go alone, those places are going to be a lot closer together.
Any suggestions?
-Theresa
31 March 2011
26 March 2011
Grab ahold of anything
that's worth keeping.
What I realize now:
I never really let go, even if you were saying goodbye.
I've never not been happy to hear from or see you.
This could turn into something.
Something good.
But maybe you don't think so.
I finally feel like someone worth keeping.
It's a feeling worth keeping.
-Theresa
What I realize now:
I never really let go, even if you were saying goodbye.
I've never not been happy to hear from or see you.
This could turn into something.
Something good.
But maybe you don't think so.
I finally feel like someone worth keeping.
It's a feeling worth keeping.
-Theresa
17 March 2011
All in Good Time
But there's never really a good time for death. Unless, of course, you're writing a movie or television show.
My aunt passed away today. Lung cancer. Never smoked. My family (she has eight brothers and sisters and they're all married. Plus, she has kids.) are waiting in the hospital room until they get kicked out. And I can't commit to $800 for a plane ticket home. The rational part of me says that it's okay because I saw her on Christmas before machines were living for her. I saw her when she could walk and talk and laugh.
The Chaldean part of me?
You stupid bitch. She would go to your funeral if you died. And she wouldn't care how much it cost. She always asked about you. And what the fuck do you mean that you're not sure? Get your stupid ass on a plane and come home. Indefinitely. Your family needs you. Your mom needs you. Her sister just died. Your sister needs you. Her relationship just ended. Who cares that that's not related to your aunt?! Just buy the stupid ticket already! Stop figuring out how much each minute will cost you. $800 for 48 hours for the rest of your family will be priceless. Plus, that way, no one will give your mom shit for you not coming home.
Jeez, I am a selfish asshole.
-Theresa
My aunt passed away today. Lung cancer. Never smoked. My family (she has eight brothers and sisters and they're all married. Plus, she has kids.) are waiting in the hospital room until they get kicked out. And I can't commit to $800 for a plane ticket home. The rational part of me says that it's okay because I saw her on Christmas before machines were living for her. I saw her when she could walk and talk and laugh.
The Chaldean part of me?
You stupid bitch. She would go to your funeral if you died. And she wouldn't care how much it cost. She always asked about you. And what the fuck do you mean that you're not sure? Get your stupid ass on a plane and come home. Indefinitely. Your family needs you. Your mom needs you. Her sister just died. Your sister needs you. Her relationship just ended. Who cares that that's not related to your aunt?! Just buy the stupid ticket already! Stop figuring out how much each minute will cost you. $800 for 48 hours for the rest of your family will be priceless. Plus, that way, no one will give your mom shit for you not coming home.
Jeez, I am a selfish asshole.
-Theresa
08 March 2011
Status Quo
I won't regret saying this, this thing that I'm saying.
I'm making a new mix. It's not for you. It's for me.
No, that's not true. It IS for you but it's about me. It is me. It's me now and as I've always been. That's good enough for me.
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut? That goes without saying.
-Theresa
I'm making a new mix. It's not for you. It's for me.
No, that's not true. It IS for you but it's about me. It is me. It's me now and as I've always been. That's good enough for me.
Is it better than keeping my mouth shut? That goes without saying.
-Theresa
03 March 2011
The Fact of the Matter:
There's a whole lot going on right now and very little of it is in my control. As much as I wish I wasn't on a pill it's difficult to get off of, right now, I'm a little grateful. Because if I wasn't, I'd be a heap on the floor.
But I am so I'm not.
All I can really say is that I'm fine. Really. Not in the way I used to think I was placating people. Just that there's a lot going on and all of it is out of my control. So I may cry a little easier but for the most part, I think I'm holding up okay.
To ensure that and my place in hell: I'm not sure that I'll be going home for the funerals when they come around.
But I am so I'm not.
All I can really say is that I'm fine. Really. Not in the way I used to think I was placating people. Just that there's a lot going on and all of it is out of my control. So I may cry a little easier but for the most part, I think I'm holding up okay.
To ensure that and my place in hell: I'm not sure that I'll be going home for the funerals when they come around.
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